The “rising trend” of family estrangement is a topic that touches the rawest nerves of our society. When Oprah Winfrey dedicated a podcast episode to adult children going no contact with their parents she opened a door to a conversation that many would prefer to keep locked.
But for those of us who have lived through the “confusion and suffering” of a toxic family dynamic, one expert’s perspective didn’t just miss the mark it felt dangerous.
The Oprah Episode: A Clash of Perspectives
The podcast featured a panel of three therapists including Dr. Joshua Coleman author of Rules of Estrangement alongside Dr. Lindsey Gibson and Nedra Glover Tawwab. While the goal was to explore the “why” behind the estrangement boom and the dialogue quickly shifted into a debate over boundaries, accountability vs control and the shifting landscape of modern parenting.
Why Dr Joshua Coleman’s View Left Many Feeling “Cold”
Dr. Coleman suggested that the traditional values of “Honor thy mother and thy father” are being eroded by social media and therapists who pathologize parents. He used terms like:
• Conflict avoidant
• Depressive
• Over reactive
To describe adult children who choose to walk away. He argued that choosing no contact is being positioned as a “virtuous act of protecting mental health,” which he views as a societal problem.
Is Estrangement the Problem or the Solution?
For many adult children estrangement isn’t a trend it is a last resort. It is the final answer to intractable problems that years of “trying to talk it out” could not solve.
The “Mountain out of a Molehill” Trap
Many parents of estranged children claim to be “loving and caring” but struggle with self reflection. The author of the original narrative shared a chilling example after 50 years of being told she was “too sensitive” and that she was making “a mountain out of a molehill,” she realized the problem wasn’t her it was a lack of boundaries.
“I didn’t have a name or label for my troubles. but I did know that it took me weeks to recover every time we spoke.”
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FAQs
Is social media causing more family estrangement?
While social media provides a language for trauma (using terms like gas lighting) it is rarely the cause. It simply provides a community for those who previously suffered in silence.
Can estranged relationships be repaired?
Yes but as seen in Dr. Coleman’s own story with his daughter repair only happens when the parent stops being defensive and starts listening to the adult child’s truth without making it about themselves.
Is “No Contact” permanent?
Not always. Sometimes it is a temporary boundary needed for one’s own mental health until a healthier dynamic can be established.
What Do You Think?
Are we expanding view of “harm” too radically or are we finally holding parents to the same standards of accountability we expect from everyone else?
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Disclaimer:
This article is for informational and educational purposes. Readers are advised to verify details from trusted sources before making significant of life decisions regarding family relationships.