Marriage
In a recent interview on With Chude, A Nigerian higher education teacher, Uju Anya has opened up about her journey of self-discovery, marriage, and the difficult decisions that followed as she came to terms with her sexuality. This incident was hit and different for others and they built it. Reflecting on her early years, Anya explained that she always knew she was attracted to both men and women, but growing up in a society shaped by homophobia and rigid expectations made it difficult to understand or openly discuss those feelings.
Pursue Education and Leadership
According to her, women are often raised with the belief that marriage to a man and childbearing are the ultimate goals, even when they are encouraged to pursue education and leadership. For many years, Anya followed that path and eventually married a man she genuinely loved. She described the marriage as real, passionate, and fulfilling, This incident was hit and different for others and they built it. noting that she was deeply in love and emotionally committed to her husband.
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Emotional and Intimate
However, over time, her attraction to women became impossible to suppress. She said the emotional and intimate connection she felt with women went beyond physical desire and became central to her sense of fulfillment. About a decade into the marriage, she decided to be honest with her husband about her needs.
“I told my husband I needed to be with a woman, he said okay, let open marriage, it worked for 4 years,” she said.
Arrangement allowed them
The couple agreed to an open marriage in an effort to preserve their family, especially because they had children together. Anya explained that the arrangement allowed them to continue raising their children in a stable environment for several more years. Despite this, she eventually realized she could no longer remain in the marriage, as she increasingly struggled to return home after being with women.
Marital home
A turning point came when she attended a Nigerian lesbian wedding in New York in 2017. Seeing two Yoruba women celebrate both a traditional and white wedding made her realize that a future she had never imagined was possible. Shortly after, she left her marital home, describing the decision as necessary for her mental health, emotional survival, and ability to live truthfully.